Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
