i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
