and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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