I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
