this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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