How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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