my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
