you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
