you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize