East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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