I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
