Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
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