are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
