Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize