hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
