Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
