Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
