it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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