Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
