I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
