Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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