Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
