You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
