ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
