I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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