Will you blow on my dice?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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