listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
