I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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