Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
