hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
