She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He passed out mid-signature
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
