Define "chronic" masturbator.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
