you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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