and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i was born a porn star she said
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
PANTIES FOUND
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