i was born a porn star she said
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
