I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I can't put those talents on a resume
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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