so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
