She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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