Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
another moral hangover. fuck.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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