i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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