I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
