Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize