Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
