ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
