How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
