I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
