its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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