Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
