pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
