I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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