i think my mom watched the whole time
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
