From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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