So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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