you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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