i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
