not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
