Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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