does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
