my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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