his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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