Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Never joke about your clitoris.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
