How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
