I heard we made out
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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