I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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