Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
