so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I understand Curling. That high.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They took my balls.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
