Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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