i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
