i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
