Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This baby is an asshole
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
