Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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