I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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