My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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